Violence: As It Relates To My Role as a Martial Arts Teacher

Taken in large part from my Mentor Tom Callos:

I can’t think of anything meaningful to say in the aftermath of a shooting that left 20 children dead at the hands of a madman. I can’t think of any way that we can stop someone who is so intent on hurting others, regardless of the reason.

I do, however, feel like I can make a comment on violence, in general - as I think it is important that I look deeply about how I, as a martial arts teacher, teach others about using violence to solve problems.

I think that we, sometimes (as I know I have on occasion) glorify the warrior. The person that uses martial arts (or violence in general) to seek revenge and/or justice on other living beings. In fiction it is often warranted or justified, and the audience gets to fulfill their need to see the “bad guys” get what they deserve.

We sometimes promote violence, we promote the aggressive posturing, the mimicking of our movie-heroes, and we teach kids to kick others in the groin, punch them in the face, to grimace and yell and lift their hands in victory when they've vanquished their imaginary enemies.
I think it's often innocent enough, the way we teach kids to use violence to win, to solve problems, and to come out on top ---but when faced with real violence, with the consequences of it all -- what do we say then? 
I believe I owe it to my students and my community to teach the students about peace, about compassion, and about respect for others (to treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated).
I will try to make sure that when I perform, when I create scenarios for our young people to engage in, that I temper the work with wisdom about the destructive force that violence put upon others can be. And I will be careful not to glorify the imaginary victories of the man or woman who kicks, punches, stabs, or shoots his/her way to victory.

Overall, I promise to look deeply on how I teach and how it relates to the real world.

Making 2013 the best year ever for Revolution Martial Fitness

As we approach the New Year I have been reflecting on 2012. Every year since the school opened it has grown. In many ways, however, it is not where I want it to be (will it ever be? haha). What I am doing is reflecting on the many aspects of how the school is run and rating them on a 1-10 scale. Now I may be too hard on myself to ever rate anything a 10, but I am going to do my best to push to that level. What I am doing with this post is making a public commitment to improve these things in my school. If you are a family that is enrolled in the school, this will serve as a list of things to come. It is my goal to not only be the best school in the area, but a shining example to other schools industry of what a martial arts school can/should be.

1) The release of the “Digital Dojo”

This will be the online/members only campus for the school.  This will be an ever growing, ever evolving resource site. The physical curriculum will be listed on there with descriptions and eventually videos. There will be recommended practice schedules, healthy eating tips and recipes, and anything else which may serve our students in their journey to become the person they want to be.

2) A re-evaluation of how the curriculum is taught and students are promoted

Please note that this does not mean an actual change in the techniques taught. Just how students are progressed through the system. While I feel it works right now, to a certain degree, it is worth looking at. It is my goal to make sure that I am setting all the students up to succeed as much as possible. Also, while I like the testing process, I would actually love to allow spectators during the tests. For some of you that have busy schedules, it is the only time you may get to see your child train. I would love to have kids bring their parents/friends/teachers, whoever! But the lack of a large waiting area makes this unrealistic. My evaluation may result in no change whatsoever, but I am working with my mentors to figure out something that may work better for my school and the students.

3) A more systematized Character Building/Life Skills Program

Any of you that have been with me for any length of time know how important, to me, the mental side of the martial arts is. It is something that I feel adds great value to the program and, in many ways, crucial to well rounded self-defense training. By systemizing I mean planned out way in advance so we can make sure our messages are consistent and that parents can choose to support it at home if they are so inspired. This will eventually be complete with printouts and videos in our “Digital Dojo”

4) An efficient attendance tracking system

No, we don’t have one. It is in my head mostly and it is taking up major brain power haha! This has also been the biggest challenge to figure out. With the limited space a scan card system is out of the question. Plus, making sure kids scan in is not a reliable solution. The main goal of the system will be to give superior student service. It will better help me realize how the students are progressing, how often they are coming to class, and how to best serve them in their journey to black belt.

5) A focus on extra staff and staff training

I love teaching! I always will. But I know that I can not do this forever (though I will try!). With that said, I realize I know I am no good to anyone if I am burnt out. I wear many hats in this dojo and sometimes it keeps me from being at my best for those who need it. There are many things I want to add (Demo team, Competition Team, Women Empowerment Program, and the list goes on) to the school, but I can not do so on top of my current responsibilities. I also feel it is my responsibility to look for my eventual replacement. Should something ever happen to me, I would want for the school go on and provide an amazing program for the Natick community. Right now, I am developing a comprehensive Teachers In Training program and will be looking for solid people to staff both the back end the mat and support everything that we do at the school. If you are interested in being part of the team in any way, please let me know.

6) A Concentration on my Education

I do my best to only speak on things that I know about/have experience in. While I do not always reveal my personal stories, talks about health, fitness, perseverance, effort, etc. spawn out of my own research and reflection on the experiences I have had in my life. When I talk about bullying or “Stranger Danger” it is because I have done my own research. I refuse to be an instructor who will buy the curriculum, read the scripts, but not really have even one term paper worth of knowledge on the subject (Something that is rampant in the industry). I will work to continue my education on subjects like: anger-management, child development, health and fitness, and a range of other topics that are what, I feel, are so important to the subject of self-defense.

In Conclusion

This is ,of course, in addition to constantly striving to teach great classes and giving great day to day service. I am sure the path to fulfilling all of the above will be fraught with its own challenges (and hopefully rewards). But you rarely grow from doing anything easy. I am excited to have you all on this journey with me and I promise I will do everything in my power to make your experience here at RMF something you will cherish for years to come.

Are we suffering from "Bully Burnout"?

It seems over just the last 5 years or so that the issue of bullying has gotten a lot of attention. Especially with the development of technology and social media that allows potential targets less reprieve from the people that would harass them.  Even more so after some teen suicides were being directly linked to bullying and cyber bullying. A lot of organizations (martial arts school especially) have really jumped on the issue. However, I am starting to feel we are now going overboard. It seems we are harping on the issue of bullying so much that people are getting tired of hearing about it. I also wonder if we are focusing on the wrong issue. Or at the very least, promoting our education as “anti-bullying” or “bullyproofing” is causing people to tune us out. I mean, bullying behavior is often times a byproduct of something else going on in the bully’s life right? Do we really have to talk about bullying to stop bullying?

Lets think about what may cause someone to bully. It could be low self-esteem, anger problems, poor role-models at home (siblings or parents)  and/or in the media, peer pressure, and worst case, sociopathy. I think we also tend to treat the victim with pity and the bully with disdain when they are both just people who need guidance. Plus the line between bullier and bullyee is very small. The child who is the bully at school could be getting bullied by others elsewhere.

I remember going into the local high school to sit in on one of the many talks they were giving about bullying over the year. More than a few kids said something to the effect of “Great! (sarcastically) another talk about bullying”. These kids were already tuned out before they walked in. As I sat there I noticed many kids were doing a lot of things, but it wasn’t listening. Maybe if the message was a bit different, say, the value of kindness, more kids would have been open to what the speaker had to say.

I do feel there's value in education about how to recognize and deal with a bullying scenario from all angles. But teaching kindness, emotional control, how to choose and cultivate healthy friendships, how to lead positively by example (some parents need this), and helping to increasing confidence is a way to combat bullying too. It may also just cause people to open their minds a little bit more on what we have to say. And lets face it, it won’t look like you are just trying to jump on the bullying bandwagon.

Martial Arts: Self-Defense for your brain!

The human brain, one of the most complex 3 pound masses of matter out there. While there is a lot we still don’t know about how it works, we are finding out more all the time. Especially when it comes to its development in adolescents.  Recently I came across this fascinating article: (Click here to read) that explains some of the research that has been done and what they can conclude based on its findings.

While there are many good reasons for parents to invest in martial arts training, I think the one of the most compelling has to do with its ability to take advantage of the growth process of the brain. Studies are finding that as kids hit their “tween” years (around 11 and 12) the brain has already built a large amount of connections and pathways related to organizational, strategizing, judgement, and planning. As kids progress through their teens the brain starts to go through a kind of “pruning” stage. Weeding out the connections and pathways that they don’t need/use and strengthening the ones that they do. The old adage ”use it or lose it!” shines greatly here.

Evidence suggest that whatever kids are involved in (music, academics, sports, video games, or sadly pursuing a path of self-destruction) will determine the course of the rest of their lives. What they do in their teens will greatly affects what they remember, are good at, and what they will migrate towards in their adult years. To me, this is even more of a reason for kids to pursue an activity like martial arts.

If kids are getting consistent exposure to values like focus, teamwork, physical fitness, perseverance, goal setting, overcoming fear, and all of the other things that martial arts does so well, then that is 2-4 hours a week of hard neuropathic wiring taking place with skills that will serve them the rest of their lives.

As I write this I reflect on how martial arts effected my life. I started at a time when I needed it the most (age 14) Many of the positive habits I have how were because of my constant exposure to the values that martial arts can promote so well. So regardless of whether you or your child ever give martial arts a shot, remember that what they do and are exposed to in their early years will affect them for the rest of their lives.

What will you do when you hit the wall?

Not too long ago I asked to have a meeting with one of my students (lets call him Timmy) and his parents. Timmy is a teenager, has been training with me for a few years and was an advanced level student. He was a natural athlete and normally he excelled in the classes, but recently I had noticed that he was struggling. He had trouble remembering parts of the curriculum and I could tell it was taking a toll on him. I figured a little student/instructor communication would hope put him on the right path.

As we talked during the meeting Timmy admitted to having challenges keeping up with what he was learning in class. His parents also told me that there has been recent talk about him quitting. Timmy’s parents very much wanted him to continue training, but were not sure how to keep him motivated. It was very clear that he had hit “THE WALL”. That time during everyone’s training that they struggle. It was obvious his parents wanted me to give them “the answer” that would fix everything.

After a few more minutes I asked Timmy - “Once you realized you were struggling, what did you do about”? He looked at me sideways for a second. “Did you start practicing at home? Did you try to attend more classes? Did you ask for help?”. I explained to him that we are all responsible for our own improvement. While it is great that he comes to class every so often it is also up to him to put effort into his training. And if he needs help, he should should do his best to ask for help from the people around him.

I have seen this many times over my martial arts career. Students expect to show up to class, put in minimal effort, and then become proficient. Once they realize that it doesn’t work like that, they quit. Just like the act joining a gym is not going to make you more fit, just going to martial arts class every once and awhile is not going to make you a black belt. At a certain point you have to show up and give it your all to see the real benefit.

Martial arts, like many things in this world, presents you with a series of challenges that you must work to overcome. If you work hard at it, and ask for help along the way, many times you will conquer that challenge and be a better person because of it. I challenge you, in this world of immediate gratification, to put real effort into your self-improvement. Don’t look for one person or thing to give you that quick fix. Whatever you want to do, go for it with everything you have. When it gets hard and you hit that wall (and lets face it, you will) smash through it with everything you have. The experience that comes from it will last you the rest of your life.

Oh yeah... and after helping him develop an action plan Timmy is still training and doing better than ever!

Martial Arts: A Team Sport (and more)

I have been asked many times “Who do you feel is your biggest competition”. My answer, to most people’s surprise, is not another martial arts school. It is organized sports like soccer, baseball, football, etc. There are a few reasons I believe this, but one of the main ones is because they are considered team sports. Parents want to have their kids to not only stay active, but learn socialize and learn how to work as a team with other kids. I have even had kids stop their training because the parents wanted their child to have time for “team sports”.

When I started martial arts I totally thought it was an individual activity. It was one of the reasons I was drawn to it. I played other sports, and enjoyed them, but I felt better in an activity where I had the most control over my own progress. However, as I started to train, I realize it was totally a team activity. Yes, during a tournament, or a belt test it is ultimately your performance alone that determines the result. But the training partners you have as you work towards those goals have a profound impact on your results.

As I reflect I remember that my classmates were a great group of people. Every Time I messed up that technique my training partner took advantage and then respectfully corrected me. My classmates would praise me when I did well, and comfort me when I didn’t. They were the friendliest people, but would not hesitate to knock you upside the head when your guard was down. Only because they knew I would learn from it (eventually), and come back better.

So next time you are looking for a team activity, consider martial arts. The comradery that can come from it is something that, I believe, is more than a lot of other sports can develop. On top of that you have “coaches” that will challenge you to not just physically, but mentally as well. They will be there for you for more than just a season. And they will want to see you win in every aspect of your life.

Its OK to Lose

A few years ago I used to judge a lot of tournaments. It was always a good time watching people give their all and seeing the excitement when a child saw all their hard work pay off.

During one of these tournaments I was judging the kid divisions. After everyone went we tallied the scores and chose the top four. After announcing the winners I thanked all the kids for giving their best and praised them for challenging themselves. Right before I dismissed them the tournament organizer came and whispered in my ear “you forgot to hand out the participation trophies”.

Outwardly my expression didn't change. Inwardly I was going nuts. “What!? No! Not this too!” I said to myself. I whispered back “why do you hand out participation trophies?” already knowing the answer. “We don’t want the kids to feel too bad that they lost.  I immediately had flashbacks to when I played town sports as a kid. No matter who won, everyone got a trophy. I thought martial arts was better than that. We constantly talk about perseverance and resiliency. We talk to kids about how overcome challenges. This seemed completely against what martial arts is about.

In the end, it was not my choice so I handed out the trophies with a smile on my face. As I saw the kids run to their parents I heard most of them say “Look I won 5th place!!!” It practically erased the disappointment most of them had about not placing in the top 4.  

Unfortunately, I feel like these kids got robbed of what could have been a great learning experience. Losing is part of life. As adults we know this all too well. It isn’t always a tournament but maybe you didn’t get that job, win that competition, or you got turned down for that date. Either way, I bet it knocked you down a bit. I bet there was a period of time where a bad experience ruined your day, week, month, or more. In the end you got back up, dusted yourself off, and tried again. Hopefully learning from the experience and being a better person because of it.

I urge you, if you have or work with kids, don’t hide them from disappointment. Take it as an opportunity to help them work through and learn from it. It is like Self-Defense for your brain. The better we are equipped to deal with lifes challenges, the better we can overcome them. I am reminded of this quote "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." - Napoleon Hill.  If we don’t nurture that seed, then we lose the opportunity to teach someone something they can use their entire life.

What Is Real Self-Defense?

I bet the image to the left is not too far off from you first thought when I mention self defense (Ouch!).  Not too long ago it was close to my first thought as well. As a martial arts teacher it was also my main focus. It was my goal to prepare my students against the threat of a physical attacker.  Over the last few years I realized I have been touching on such a small part of what self defense actually is, and I must expand my thinking to really benefit the students who look to me for guidance.

Self Defense means, to me, defense against anything that could harm you. Poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, low self-esteem, lack of education, discrimination, the list goes on. In fact I will argue that working on those things is more valuable than a proper punch or kick as only a small percentage of people I teach will need to use their physical techniques.  Don't get me wrong, I do find a lot of value in learning how to physically protect yourself. I also think the things you can learn during your training can carry over into other areas of your life. However, once we expand our definition of what true self defense is, we start realizing we could be doing a lot more to protect ourselves (and to fellow martial arts teachers out there, prepare our students). Imagine if, eventually, the picture to the right was also the kind of picture people thought of when someone mentioned self defense training.

 As a teacher, I believe it is my job to challenge people's thinking. I will never tell anyone how to live their life, as it is everyones right to live the life they want. However, I feel we all should be open to being challenged by others we respect. To be willing to reflect and admit where we could use a little improvement.

So I guess you could consider this a blog about self defense. However you will not see many (if any) posts about physical technique. What you will see is my journey, the evolution of my thinking, and hopefully something that will inspire you be more of the person you would like to be.