Are we suffering from "Bully Burnout"?

It seems over just the last 5 years or so that the issue of bullying has gotten a lot of attention. Especially with the development of technology and social media that allows potential targets less reprieve from the people that would harass them.  Even more so after some teen suicides were being directly linked to bullying and cyber bullying. A lot of organizations (martial arts school especially) have really jumped on the issue. However, I am starting to feel we are now going overboard. It seems we are harping on the issue of bullying so much that people are getting tired of hearing about it. I also wonder if we are focusing on the wrong issue. Or at the very least, promoting our education as “anti-bullying” or “bullyproofing” is causing people to tune us out. I mean, bullying behavior is often times a byproduct of something else going on in the bully’s life right? Do we really have to talk about bullying to stop bullying?

Lets think about what may cause someone to bully. It could be low self-esteem, anger problems, poor role-models at home (siblings or parents)  and/or in the media, peer pressure, and worst case, sociopathy. I think we also tend to treat the victim with pity and the bully with disdain when they are both just people who need guidance. Plus the line between bullier and bullyee is very small. The child who is the bully at school could be getting bullied by others elsewhere.

I remember going into the local high school to sit in on one of the many talks they were giving about bullying over the year. More than a few kids said something to the effect of “Great! (sarcastically) another talk about bullying”. These kids were already tuned out before they walked in. As I sat there I noticed many kids were doing a lot of things, but it wasn’t listening. Maybe if the message was a bit different, say, the value of kindness, more kids would have been open to what the speaker had to say.

I do feel there's value in education about how to recognize and deal with a bullying scenario from all angles. But teaching kindness, emotional control, how to choose and cultivate healthy friendships, how to lead positively by example (some parents need this), and helping to increasing confidence is a way to combat bullying too. It may also just cause people to open their minds a little bit more on what we have to say. And lets face it, it won’t look like you are just trying to jump on the bullying bandwagon.

Martial Arts: Self-Defense for your brain!

The human brain, one of the most complex 3 pound masses of matter out there. While there is a lot we still don’t know about how it works, we are finding out more all the time. Especially when it comes to its development in adolescents.  Recently I came across this fascinating article: (Click here to read) that explains some of the research that has been done and what they can conclude based on its findings.

While there are many good reasons for parents to invest in martial arts training, I think the one of the most compelling has to do with its ability to take advantage of the growth process of the brain. Studies are finding that as kids hit their “tween” years (around 11 and 12) the brain has already built a large amount of connections and pathways related to organizational, strategizing, judgement, and planning. As kids progress through their teens the brain starts to go through a kind of “pruning” stage. Weeding out the connections and pathways that they don’t need/use and strengthening the ones that they do. The old adage ”use it or lose it!” shines greatly here.

Evidence suggest that whatever kids are involved in (music, academics, sports, video games, or sadly pursuing a path of self-destruction) will determine the course of the rest of their lives. What they do in their teens will greatly affects what they remember, are good at, and what they will migrate towards in their adult years. To me, this is even more of a reason for kids to pursue an activity like martial arts.

If kids are getting consistent exposure to values like focus, teamwork, physical fitness, perseverance, goal setting, overcoming fear, and all of the other things that martial arts does so well, then that is 2-4 hours a week of hard neuropathic wiring taking place with skills that will serve them the rest of their lives.

As I write this I reflect on how martial arts effected my life. I started at a time when I needed it the most (age 14) Many of the positive habits I have how were because of my constant exposure to the values that martial arts can promote so well. So regardless of whether you or your child ever give martial arts a shot, remember that what they do and are exposed to in their early years will affect them for the rest of their lives.

What will you do when you hit the wall?

Not too long ago I asked to have a meeting with one of my students (lets call him Timmy) and his parents. Timmy is a teenager, has been training with me for a few years and was an advanced level student. He was a natural athlete and normally he excelled in the classes, but recently I had noticed that he was struggling. He had trouble remembering parts of the curriculum and I could tell it was taking a toll on him. I figured a little student/instructor communication would hope put him on the right path.

As we talked during the meeting Timmy admitted to having challenges keeping up with what he was learning in class. His parents also told me that there has been recent talk about him quitting. Timmy’s parents very much wanted him to continue training, but were not sure how to keep him motivated. It was very clear that he had hit “THE WALL”. That time during everyone’s training that they struggle. It was obvious his parents wanted me to give them “the answer” that would fix everything.

After a few more minutes I asked Timmy - “Once you realized you were struggling, what did you do about”? He looked at me sideways for a second. “Did you start practicing at home? Did you try to attend more classes? Did you ask for help?”. I explained to him that we are all responsible for our own improvement. While it is great that he comes to class every so often it is also up to him to put effort into his training. And if he needs help, he should should do his best to ask for help from the people around him.

I have seen this many times over my martial arts career. Students expect to show up to class, put in minimal effort, and then become proficient. Once they realize that it doesn’t work like that, they quit. Just like the act joining a gym is not going to make you more fit, just going to martial arts class every once and awhile is not going to make you a black belt. At a certain point you have to show up and give it your all to see the real benefit.

Martial arts, like many things in this world, presents you with a series of challenges that you must work to overcome. If you work hard at it, and ask for help along the way, many times you will conquer that challenge and be a better person because of it. I challenge you, in this world of immediate gratification, to put real effort into your self-improvement. Don’t look for one person or thing to give you that quick fix. Whatever you want to do, go for it with everything you have. When it gets hard and you hit that wall (and lets face it, you will) smash through it with everything you have. The experience that comes from it will last you the rest of your life.

Oh yeah... and after helping him develop an action plan Timmy is still training and doing better than ever!